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My nightmare at SEATAC

Ian and I are currently in Beaverton Oregon for Ian to participate in a gymnastics meet.  We left Anchorage yesterday and when I put Ian to bed on Tuesday night I told him the wrong time for our flight the next day. Not on purpose, I just mixed it up a little bit. I thought our flight was at 1:00 and instead it was at 3:00. It's understandable why I got it mixed up, I was thinking we had to be to the airport by 1:00. Well about mid way through our morning I got a message saying that our flight was delayed by 30 minutes. We finally took off at 4:00 arriving in Seattle/Tacoma at 8:15 instead of 7:20 pm. Flight was fine and Ian did really well.

We were sitting at the very back of the plane so when it landed I decided that I'd save some time in the terminal and use the bathroom on the plane while we were waiting to deboard.  Made sense to me and the people around me thought it was a good idea also.  At the time I did not realize that my ID fell out of my back pocket onto the floor of the bathroom.  Did not even phase me as I have never lost my ID like that before. Now mind you, I have only lost my ID one other time and I was diving in Cancun... whole different story.  So, I had no idea that I was missing my ID and of course, our plane was at the very end of the C concourse so we had a very long way to walk.

I finally realized that I lost my ID after I had taken a shuttle bus all the way to Enterprise Car Rental and stood in-line.  Reached back to grab it out of my pocket and it was gone.  I didn't quite freak out yet but was frantically looking through all my bags to find it and it just was not there. Then I freaked because I knew the flight was continuing on to San Francisco and I realized exactly where I had lost it at.  The guys at Enterprise didn't have any phone numbers for any of the airlines that are actually at SEA/TAC terminal and the only numbers I had from Alaska Airlines were my gold flyer member numbers and of course at almost 9:00 in the evening they were all not answering the phone and were gone for the day. All the numbers I kept getting were not letting me talk to an actual person that was in the airport.

I finally called my husband and he knows that any lost and found items were turned into the airport police after hours and he was going to call his work and get the number fro SEA/TAC airport police for me.  He text'd that number to me after I had called another couple of numbers only to talk to people who were not actually in the airport. Everyone kept assuring me that I would be able to ask Lost and Found at the airport when they opened up in the morning at 9:00.  By this time Ian and I were back on the shuttle bus going back to the airport.

So, Chris sent me the number and I finally called the airport police to find out if my ID had been turned into them. The woman that answered kept giving me the run around and again she told me that I could just call Lost and Found tomorrow to find out if anyone had turned it in. I tried to explain to her that I had to get my son to the gymnastics meet right outside Portland and in order for me to do that I needed to rent a car but couldn't do that because I didn't have my driver's license which, in fact, were in with my other IDs.  After she realized what I was saying she finally gave me the phone number to the Alaska/Horizon counter at the airport.

The young man that answered listed very patiently to my whole story and then said, "let me put you on hold for just a minute and I will be right back with you. Try to stay calm and I promise I'll be right back."  Just his calm voice helped me settle down a bit.  If any of you know me, I do tend to freak out when things are out of my control. I just needed some help and everyone else seemed like I was intruding on their precious time.  I sure hope I am never like that. That I actually take the time to help someone else if I possibly can.  It couldn't have been more than a couple of minutes before he came back on he told me that the flight had already taken off for San Francisco.  My heart sunk, he then asked me what the ID looked like and what was the most precious things in the ID.  I told him it was a pink Coach ID but probably the most precious things were the pictures of my boys, one with a broken arm and the other with a scratch on his nose.  The guy then told me that he found the ID.  I sat back and said, "Thank God!!"  He gave directions on how to retrieve it when I got to the airport.  As soon as I got off the phone, Ian said, "See mom, aren't we lucky that God has blessed our family?" I looked at him and gave him a big hug and said, "Yes Ian, we are very lucky to have God in our lives."
I have to say that the real reason I was just freaking out so badly is because my ID also had my debt cards.  I keep my credit cards seperately but not my debt cards.  Ian did get a little upset with me because in order to retrieve the ID we had to go all the back out to the gate where the plane came in at because the girl that had it wasn't going to be back up front for about an hour.  In other words we had to go all the way back through security with all of our bags again. So, my very patient 8 year-old, had just gotten a bottle of juice was not happy when he had to throw it away and pull out mom's laptop, etc. etc. etc.  Oh, and because I didn't have my ID we had to go through extra screening because, hey, I didn't have my ID.  When we finally got back to the end of Concourse C the girl we were supposed to ask for wasn't there.  My heart sunk again and I looked down at Ian and he smiled.  I looked back at the girl now sitting at the counter and asked her about my ID and she actually did have it.  Going through my head - We are definitely blessed!!

Then we started all over again with going back to catch the shuttle to go back to Enterprise.  Ian wanted me to ask to see if they had a truck we could rent instead of an SUV.  They did but they were going to charge us $70 a day for it.  I just said, no thanks that I would keep the SUV.  They then saId they could get it down to $50 a day and I still said no thank you.  I told them no, again.  I just think that is ridiculous.  They did eventually talk me into the insurance which I hate because I don't need it.  But when we went out to get our SUV there were none left.  I just looked at the guy and said, "This just is not my day".  He looked at me and smiled and said, "Well how would you like that Dodge Dakota truck instead? No charge."  I'm driving the truck... and Ian took a two-hour nap during our three-hour drive to Portland in which we finally arrived at 1:30 in the morning.  It is very apparent to me that our family is indeed blessed!!

Six Boys and Thirteen Hands

Received this from my father-in-law and I wanted to pass it on to everyone...

Each year I am hired to go to Washington, DC , with the eighth grade class from Clinton , WI where I grew up, to videotape their trip. I greatly enjoy visiting our nation's capitol, and each year I take some special memories back with me.  This fall's trip was especially memorable.


On the last night of our trip, we stopped at the Iwo Jima memorial.  This memorial is the largest bronze statue in the world and depicts one of the most famous photographs in history -- that of the six brave soldiers raising the American Flag at the top of a rocky hill on the island of Iwo Jima, Japan, during WW II.


Over one hundred students and chaperones piled off the buses and headed towards the memorial.  I noticed a solitary figure at the base of the statue, and as I got closer he asked, 'Where are you guys from?'  I told him that we were from Wisconsin.  'Hey, I'm a cheese head, too!  Come gather around, Cheese heads, and I will tell you a story.'


(James Bradley just happened to be in Washington, DC, to speak at the memorial the following day.  He was there that night to say good night to his dad, who had passed away.  He was just about to leave when he saw the buses pull up.  


I videotaped him as he spoke to us, and received his permission to share what he said from my videotape.  It is one thing to tour the incredible monuments filled with history in Washington, DC, but it is quite another to get the kind of insight we received that night.)


When all had gathered around, he reverently began to speak.

(Here are his words that night.)


'My name is James Bradley and I'm from Antigo, Wisconsin.  My dad is on that statue, and I just wrote a book called ' Flags of Our Fathers' which is #5 on the New York Times Best Seller list right now.  It is the story of the six boys you see behind me.


'Six boys raised the flag. The first guy putting the pole in the ground is Harlon Block.  Harlon was an all-state football player.  He enlisted in the Marine Corps with all the senior members of his football team.  They were off to play another type of game.  A game called 'War.' But it didn't turn out to be a game.


Harlon, at the age of 21, died with his intestines in his hands.  I don't say that to gross you out, I say that because there are people who stand in front of this statue and talk about the glory of war.  You guys need to know that most of the boys in Iwo Jima were 17, 18, and 19 years old - and it was so hard that the ones who did make it home never even would talk to their families about it.


(He pointed to the statue)  'You see this next guy?  That's Rene Gagnon from New Hampshire.  If you took Rene's helmet off at the moment this photo was taken and looked in the webbing of that helmet, you would find a photograph... a photograph of his girlfriend.  Rene put that in there for protection because he was scared.  He was 18 years old.


It was just boys who won the battle of Iwo Jima .....Boys.  Not old men.


'The next guy here, the third guy in this tableau, was Sergeant Mike Strank.  Mike is my hero.  He was the hero of all these guys.  They called him the 'old man' because he was so old.  He was already 24.  When Mike would motivate his boys in training camp, he didn't say, 'Let's go kill some Japanese' or 'Lets die for our country.'  He knew he was talking to little boys. Instead he would say, 'You do what I say, and I'll get you home to your mothers.


'The last guy on this side of the statue is Ira Hayes, a Pima Indian from Arizona.  Ira Hayes was one who walked off Iwo Jima.  He went into the White House with my dad.  President Truman told him, 'You're a hero.' He told reporters, 'How can I feel like a hero when 250 of my buddies hit the island with me and only 27 of us walked off alive?'


So you take your class at school, 250 of you spending a year together having fun, doing everything together.  Then all 250 of you hit the beach, but only 27 of your classmates walk off alive.  That was Ira Hayes.  He had images of horror in his mind.  Ira Hayes carried the pain home with him and eventually died dead drunk, face down at the age of 32 (ten years after this picture was taken).


“The next guy, going around the statue, is Franklin Sousley from Hilltop, Kentucky. A fun-lovin' hillbilly boy.  His best friend, who is now 70, told me,  'Yeah, you know, we took two cows up on the porch of the Hilltop General Store.  Then we strung wire across the stairs so the cows couldn't get down.  Then we fed them Epsom salts.  Those cows crapped all night. 'Yes, he was a fun-lovin' hillbilly boy.   Franklin died on Iwo Jima at the age of 19.


When the telegram came to tell his mother that he was dead, it went to the Hilltop General Store.  A barefoot boy ran that telegram up to his mother's farm.  The neighbors could hear her scream all night and into the morning.  Those neighbors lived a quarter of a mile away.


'The next guy, as we continue to go around the statue, is my dad, John Bradley from Antigo, Wisconsin, where I was raised.  My dad lived until 1994, but he would never give interviews.  When Walter Cronkite's producers or the New York Times would call, we were trained as little kids to say 'No, I'm sorry, sir, my dad's not here.  He is in Canada fishing.  No, there is no phone there, sir.  No, we don't know when he is coming back.'


My dad never fished or even went to Canada.  Usually, he was sitting there right at the table eating his Campbell's soup.  But we had to tell the press that he was out fishing.  He didn't want to talk to the press.


'You see, like Ira Hayes, my dad didn't see himself as a hero.  Everyone thinks these guys are heroes, 'cause they are in a photo and on a monument.  My dad knew better.  He was a medic.  John Bradley from Wisconsin was a caregiver.  In Iwo Jima he probably held over 200 boys as they died.  And when boys died in Iwo Jima, they writhed and screamed, without any medication or help with the pain.


'When I was a little boy, my third grade teacher told me that my dad was a hero.  When I went home and told my dad that, he looked at me and said, 'I want you always to remember that the heroes of Iwo Jima are the guys who did not come back. Did NOT come back.'


'So that's the story about six nice young boys.  Three died on Iwo Jima, and three came back as national heroes.  Overall, 7,000 boys died on Iwo Jima in the worst battle in the history of the Marine Corps.  My voice is giving out, so I will end here.  Thank you for your time.'


Suddenly, the monument wasn't just a big old piece of metal with a flag sticking out of the top.  It came to life before our eyes with the heartfelt words of a son who did indeed have a father who was a hero.  Maybe not a hero for the reasons most people would believe, but a hero nonetheless.


We need to remember that God created this vast and glorious world for us to live in, freely, but also at great sacrifice.  Let us never forget from the Revolutionary War to the current War on Terrorism and all the wars in-between that sacrifice was made for our freedom.  Remember to pray praises for this great country of ours and also pray for those still in murderous unrest around the world.


STOP and thank God for being alive and being free at someone else's sacrifice.  God Bless You and God Bless America.


REMINDER:  Everyday that you can wake up free, it's going to be a great day.


One thing I learned while on tour with my 8th grade students in DC that is not mentioned here is . . . that if you look at the statue very closely and count the number of 'hands ' raising the flag, there are 13.  When the man who made the statue was asked why there were 13, he simply said the 13th hand was the hand of God.



Scotch and 2-drops of Water

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says,

'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today...'

The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.'

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'

'Coming up,' says the bartender

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'

'Coming right up,' the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma 'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'

The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.


Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'


Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes
and you're barefoot.


A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door,


Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.


You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.


You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police

'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.


'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.


An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.



You are not sure these are jokes?


Quote of the Day for Chocoholics

"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of those pieces"

~Judith Viorst - poet, author, and fellow chocoholic


Quote of the day:

I thought this was important enough to not only pass it through email but also to post here...

Quote of the day:


'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.



So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.'


Sorority Trip

I don’t think I have written about my sorority before but this truly has been a life changing experience for me. Being the kind of person I am and most of my very good friends being male I would have never thought I would be having so much fun and learning so many things from a group of women of all ages.


It all started when my little sister, Carol, asked me to be a financial advisor for the sorority that is at UAA, University of Alaska, Anchorage. Theta Delta obviously was in some serious financial debt and needed some guidance. Carol had been an advisor for her chapter in Mankato, Minnesota (Zeta Kappa) and was recently promoted to District Advisor of which my girls are now a part of. At first I reluctantly said yes but I have enjoyed every minute that I have been involved.


Last June I had the unique opportunity of attending the National Convention where I was actually indoctrinated into my sister’s and my niece’s (Amanda) chapter (Zeta Kappa). There was only one girl from Alaska that was able to attend the National Convention and it just happened to be the treasurer of Theta Delta, Julie. The National Convention was held in Albuquerque, New Mexico which holds a lot of memories for Carol, Amanda and myself.


Carol came to live with me during the summer she was 16. I was stationed in Albuquerque for recruiting duty while I was in the Navy and that is where my youngest daughter, Atraya, was born. Carol came down to help out with the new baby and the first night she was there I set her up on her first date. Okay, it ended up being her first drunk night also and the next morning the guy had enough guts to use his one phone call to call her to go and bail him out of jail. Yep, it was definitely a memorable one that’s for sure.


Amanda’s mom, another sister of mine (Robin), and Amanda came to live with me in Albuquerque shortly after Carol’s summer ended at my house. They didn’t live with us for more than six-months because that’s how much my sister depended on my mom and dad and she still depends on my mom to this day. Amanda can’t breathe in the mornings until after she calls her mom to let her know she made it through the night at college. Any way, totally getting off track here, so Amanda also got to see where she lived when she was just a baby.


During Nationals we got a chance to go out into the community and visit all the old places we had visited so long ago. It was very close to 20 years since any of us had been back there and we really enjoyed ourselves. I thought I was going to be totally bored being around all those women all week but I was enthralled as to how smart and entertaining they were and how much we all had in common and yet we came from all different walks of life. I really did enjoy my time with my “new sisters”.


So, I attended District Day in Chicago with District 8 which is what Carol is the District Advisor for. Julie and I had talked about the National Convention and how much fun we had and even the many, many connections we made that Theta Delta had eight (8) girls sign-up to attend District Day in Chicago. Unfortunately only six (6) of them were able to attend but I was so proud of my girls.


The first thing they did when we landed (on Friday morning) was go wake up two of the girls that had gotten to the hotel the night before and went out for breakfast. I proceeded to my room (it was 8:00 in the morning) and slept until 3:00 pm. The next day they told me they had shopped for 12-hours. Yep, those are my girls!!! They did say they did some intellectual feeding also and ended up going to the Art Museum. Of course, they just had to tell me they found a particular book there with pictures and description of the largest male genitals in the world. They just had to tell me that. Oh, and then they had to alert me to the fact that we could buy that book at the local Barnes and Noble. Oh goody!!!


While my girls were shopping I was having dinner and drinks with Carol and some new friends. One in particular is Nicole and mainly because later in the evening she saved my butt, although I think it was a mutual thing. Carol and I were catching up on family news and what has been going on with all the drama at Zeta Kappa when we remembered that we had forgotten to pick-up some items for the foundation raffle. Looking across the bar Carol noticed there were some young men from Ohio State. Apparently they were in town for a rival football game. Carol was bound and determined to get a jersey or hat or something for our raffle.


Everyone that was having dinner and drinks decided to go up and get away from the collegiates that were in the bar and boy did I end up learning some songs that were absolutely hilarious and very, very racy. Dang, I really missed out on the whole sorority thing in college. Nicole and I decided we would be the ones to accompany Carol back down to the bar because we never leave our ‘sisters’ by themselves when they aren’t thinking right. LOL Anyway the night went on and on and apparently Carol ended up leaving the bar around 2:00 a.m. The reason I say apparently is because I ended up getting so drunk on glasses of wine (that we never paid for) that time just slipped right by me. Nicole and I ended up talking with the college guys and flirting with the bartender way into the morning and she said she poured me into bed around 3:30 a.m. I kept saying that I was so sorry but she ended up saying that it also was a good excuse for her to escape from the clutches of one of the guys. So, in essences, we ‘saved’ each other.


The training the next day went rather well and we made it through with only a few hours of sleep (we were up by 7:08 a.m. – yes, I remember the exact time because I got up and took Tylenol). Nicole and I were both very grateful that we were only learning and not teaching on this trip. Poor Carol had to run the whole show but she did a fabulous job!! Later on that day I noticed my Theta Kappa girls in a circle and talking to one of the women that was watching us at the bar the night before. She had just asked them if they were having a good time and then looked up and seen me approaching. The girls turned around and a couple of them said hello and the older woman said, “Oh, with Angel as one of your advisors, I know you are all having a good time.” I looked at her, smiled and said “Shhhh, don’t tell them a thing. I have a reputation to protect.” All the girls just started laughing. That’s when I found out that they keep inviting me back because of how much fun I apparently am at the parties and even at just the ‘boring ole meetings’. That I try to invoke a little bit of insight and fun into everything I do. 


Not only did my girls (I say that like a very proud mom) learn lots of information over the District Days Training, so did I.


The rest of the time in Chicago (until Tuesday) was pretty much just spent in my room getting sicker. Needless to say, not fun at all.


My Bestest Friend

I realize I haven’t been on here in a while and my mental health can sure tell it so there will probably be several posts to follow. There is one thing that has really touched my heart lately and I’m thinking that may have something to do with the reason I have not been on here in a while and that I have not needed ‘rescuing mentally’.  My husband!! Yes, I have to say my husband is back better than ever.  I was laying in bed with him last night trying to think of something to say to him about how much I truly love him without it sounding corny and without him saying, "Ya ya". It's at those times when my heart is so filled with love that I have my best nights of sleep and that my mind isn't racing from every other thought in the universe and I actually get a full night's worth of sleep.


He has become the love of my life again. The person that I fell in love with so many years ago, there is just no words to say how much I love this man. He has really surprised me over the last couple of months. Now, I’m not saying that everything is absolutely perfect because we still have our problems. But, he has become this understanding person again. On one hand, I’d like to know what made him decide to join the living race again and on the other I’m just glad he has.  I have to also admit that I have said many prayers for him and for more understanding in his heart and God has definitely blessed me with not only helping him through the many trials and tribulations of the last few years but God has soooo blessed me with this man.


On the downside, I’m only getting sex, well I won't go into that here :(

I have also noticed a pattern with him getting very upset with me and actually picking arguments of the stupidest and smallest kind right before I leave for a trip. The trip doesn’t have to be with anyone or anywhere in particular (which is what I thought in September) it’s just the fact that I am leaving. I did finally figure out before this last trip (to Chicago) that this is our MO. I remember us doing this when we were in the military and right before either one of us went on a deployment. Didn’t matter who was leaving, where we were going or how long we’d be gone it was just the fact that we wouldn’t be together to face things, together, that had us at each other’s throats. Now that I have finally figured this out (it’s taken me two years) I’m open to having anyone’s suggestions on how to ease into being separated for any amount of time. Especially if I get the new career I want.


All in all, I’m so happy to have my husband and bestest friend back!!

Oh I forgot to add that we just celebrated our 11th Anniversary this last Saturday and even though that day started out with me taking our boys to see a movie it sure ended up quite nice.  We ate at this fabulous Italian restaurant that we have been meaning to try and every time we have gone there it has been too long of a wait.  We are glad that we didn't take the boys as it was quite pricey but the food was fabulous.  I'm also glad that we actually got to finally spend some time alone.  We've needed that for a while and Saturday just fell right for us.  After dinner we did go home and ended up watching Tinkerbell with the boys.  That was fun also!!


Daily Update Oct 13-14, 2008

Yesterday was an atypical Monday. Absolutely boring day. I've been watching Martha's house for the last few days so we've had her dog, Charlie, with us and he is so much more of a handful than our Rusty.  I cleaned her house yesterday, that's how bored I was.  It was just kind of a downer of a day and while I was driving home I just suddenly felt really sad. I ended up crying for about 15 minutes after I had parked my truck and turned the ignition off.  Have no idea where that came from.

I did get to have lunch with a very dear friend of mine today. Kim's husband left for a one year tour in the middle east when I was still in California.  She gets to play single mom for a year and then some because they will probably extend Jason while he is over there.  I asked her late last week if I could bring her lunch this week and she said she would just like the company. I know how much she likes pasta so I made lasagna the night before just so I could take her some.  Then I stopped by New Sagaya to pick-up her favorite tiramasu for dessert.  She almost cried when I took everything out of the basket at her work. We had a great talk and a lot of catching up. Hopefully we can coordinate time so we can spend this weekend together doing some more catching up.

Today I've been working on taxes all day. Yep, the organized figures guru still does not have her taxes done and, get this, they are due tomorrow. I got everything inputted today except one thing.... Chris' 1099 from his retirement pay, which I asked for three weeks ago, is not printed off yet because he decided it didn't need to be done until the last minute and now he forgot his pin. It takes at least a week to get his new pin soooo.... Yep, our taxes are going to be late.... I went to drop of the memory stick and papers at the accountant's office and she wasn't there but her husband was, Mike, and he talks more than I do. For a 30 second job it took me 45-minutes to finally escape.

Tonight the season ticket holders and business partners got to meet the new Alaska Aces team.  There has been a couple of preseason games but those are kind of like the final try-outs for the players and we met the full 20 man roster tonight. Number 32 is cute (LOL). Bill and Axel picked a good table and we were able to sit right up front. Tacos and team players was a good distraction from number crunching.

Highlight of the last two days - Chris found a place that carries Skrumpy Jack which is a sweet hard cider that is just yummy but it is way on the sweet side and thus has a higher alcohol content (oh darn!!)  This one will definitely have to go on the bar list for the jazz club!!


The day is almost over and its toiling is through;

Is there anyone to utter now a kindly word to you?

Does anyone remember that you spoke to him today?

Can you say tonight, in parting with the day that’s slipping fast,

That you helped a single brother of the many that you passed?

Did you waste the day, or lose it?

Was it well or sorely spent?

Is a single heart rejoicing over what you did or said?

Does the man whose hopes were fading now with courage look ahead?

Did you leave a trail of kindness, or a scar of discontent?

As you close your eyes in slumber, do you think that God will say, you have earned one more tomorrow by the work you did today?”

By John Hall

Church, October 12, 2008

Today's sermon was Part 5: of the Freedom message
Walk the Line, Galatians 2:11-21

I wish that I was able to draw the graphic that they used in church today. It sure made things a lot easier to understand.  I did a lot of note taking this week because thought were just flying through my head and I wanted to get them on paper before they flew out again.  The message was about hypocrisy and inconsistency.  To be a Christian means that I am an honorable failure!!

My thoughts and what I learned...
I drew a line diagonally on my paper from the bottom left corner going up to the upper right corner.  The way our minister was talking about things that just seemed the best way for me to remember them and the title of the sermon being Walk the Line.  On the line I wrote "veering from the line of the gospel... I am both justified and sinful at the same time".  In the bottom right of the line... Jesus lived and died for me. Jesus lived the life I should have lived and then gave up that righteousness for me on the cross. Above that I am justified in Him with the optimum word here being JUSTIFIED.  Changes how God views us and our actions.  Does not change *me* fundamentally.  When we sin we can't go back and make laws to prevent us from sinning. What about the rules are you 'supposed' to follow? Nothing wrong w/ rules but it doesn't mean you are then righteous when you follow them.  We still need to live differently!!! I still need to live differently!!

When you fall off the 'line' you fall into insecurity, fear, shame, guilt, depression, defensiveness, and jealousy... I've fallen off this 'line' several times. But I have also learned every time I have fallen and continue to do so.  There are also arrogance, intolerance, bitterness, prejudice, defensiveness, and fear.  I have also felt these yet, not as often and these seem to fall way beyond every reaching that 'line'.  I know that whatever I am suffering (i.e., cancer) it is not payment for sin because that has already been paid for. So many times I asked myself, "Why me?" "Why do I suffer from this and to watch the people I love suffer with me." It is not because of my sins, because those have already been paid for by Jesus on the cross. It is to make me stronger and to know that I am strong yet still so very weak in my faith but that I am learning and I am staying on the 'line' more and more each and every day.

I died with Jesus Christ and now he lives in me!!

There was one portion of the sermon that I thought was more of a personal opinion and should not have been brought up in the context of what was being said today.  Our pastor said that sex outside of the marriage was an example of falling off the 'line'. Sex should be within the marriage the person who decided to take that part of their life outside of the marriage they do not fully believes in the gospel of the written word.  Once that person did then he/she will finally be *enough*. It was almost like my sin of fear or insecurity was being compared to another person's infidelity to their spouse. I'm not quite sure how I really feel about that yet but I do know that I was pretty offended by his statement concerning this.  Over the last few weeks this particular pastor (and he is one of my favorites) has really been hitting on infidelity quite a bit. I'm not really sure why he is doing that but a couple of the other people I talk to on a regular basis about our sermons hit on this again today and they were the ones that brought it up. We aren't sure what is going on there.